Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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