My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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