And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
