I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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