Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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