I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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