Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
