he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize