I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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