You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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