Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
