i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
