do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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