he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
