We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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