I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
