So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
