I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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