Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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