Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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