what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
