Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
