after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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