he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
