dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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