you would pick up someone in the library
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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