Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
