He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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