There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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