Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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