Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
