planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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