you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
