All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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