i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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