So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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