never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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