So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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