I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just forgot I was standing up.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize