I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize