Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
