I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
