Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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