dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
