I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
