"it" just moved
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
