Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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