either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
