it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
