I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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