Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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