I'm gonna have a badass scar
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
