just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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