I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize