ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
