weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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