It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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