So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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