So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
