so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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