I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
