After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
