yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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