A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
