She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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