No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Can I color on your dick again?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
