my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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