OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Randomize
