I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
