Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
FUCK WHALES
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
