apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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