I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
