hotel room ftw
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
