Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
