So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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