And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my shit smells like andre
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
