He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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