He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
